i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
