Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
