I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
