i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
