i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
