so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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