Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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