Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
