i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
