He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
