I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
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