It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
