i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Found your dick twin last night
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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