No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so explain again why im purple
no
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
