I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
