oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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