may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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