Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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