I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
