Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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