When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
