Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I need a beard to bite.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize