I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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