Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
