i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
