so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
