I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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