i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
