I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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