No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
