Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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