just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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