Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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