Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
