Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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