Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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