Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
