Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
if i can run in heels then i can drive
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
