He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
