you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
