yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
