just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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