Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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