I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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