it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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