Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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