Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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