Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
