hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
