The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
