My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
