i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
