Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
