I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
