I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
