Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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