woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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