I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
As shirtless as possible
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
