What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
