"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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