Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
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he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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