You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I am one with the molecules
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
