Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
