Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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