I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
