I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
