Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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