I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
