I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Dear god my vagina.
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