I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
