I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
