So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
