what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
