the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
