I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
