Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
