We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
