I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm bleeding and have questions
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
