a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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