you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
