But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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