I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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