Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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