sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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